I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
