great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
