Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
this just has baby written all over it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
