when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
