I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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