nut hugger
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
