I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
