My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
is that a dick in a sweater?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
