someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
