i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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