wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
