We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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