i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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