I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
