when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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