Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
do nipples grow back?
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