Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
