Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
