You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
