I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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