And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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