I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
