Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
