Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
