weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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