hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
