dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
