If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
