Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
this is an emotional support booty call
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
