my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
apparently the secret to your success is patron
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
