I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
