Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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