The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
