he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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