no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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