i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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