I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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