I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
