Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
