it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
