She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
