Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
They took my balls.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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