u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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