Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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