All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
