you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
