The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
