You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
