capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
