You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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