I met the friendliest cop last night
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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