just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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