is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
