tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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