my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize