You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize