She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
