If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
