I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
