woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
