i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I pour the whiskey from now on
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
