My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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