Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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