went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
