drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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