Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
