He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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