when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
