ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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