All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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