just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
