Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
