I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
