smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
"it" just moved
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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