How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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