god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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