I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
