i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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